I was born to hearing parents and am the only deaf person in my entire close and extended family, save for some elderly relatives who have lost some hearing due to age. The fact that my parents have typical hearing played a huge role in their choice to seek a cochlear implant for me. My life may have been different if my parents were D/deaf; they may have made different choices in how to raise me.

I would not be as much a part of my family if I didn’t have cochlear implants. My parents were able to include me in their culture because I am able to hear. I have a typical relationship with my hearing sister and I can communicate with her completely and fully. I do know that if my parents had chosen not to pursue a cochlear implant for me, they would have done their absolute best to learn sign language and teach it to my sister in order to include me in everything.

Sign Language in my Hearing Family
My immediate family would have learned sign language but I don’t think that my extended family would have. I don’t think it would have been compelling for extended family members to learn a language that they would only use with me. I’m able to be as much a part of large family gatherings as my hearing family members because I have cochlear implants. I have always been fully included in my family and my relatives have never treated me differently because of my deafness. They all know I’m deaf, obviously, but they don’t ever act like I’m different from any of my cousins or other relatives.

Being Deaf is One Part of Me
I think that members of my extended family don’t think of me as “the deaf family member.” I’m Miranda to them—another member of the family. I can say the same of my immediate family. Being deaf is a part of me, just like the fact that I have brown hair. It’s not as trivial as the color of my hair, but it really is not important in my individual relationships with family members. I do think that my parents and my sister are fully aware of my deafness since I am around them quite often. Cochlear implant advocacy is also very important to us but it’s not the only thing we do together. The fact that there’s more to me than being deaf helps—I have other interests and other things to talk about.

Asking for Repeats
My family members do have to be patient with me sometimes, and thankfully they are. They did have to learn that hearing does not come as easily and as naturally to me as it does to others. There are times when I don’t understand what my family members are saying, but they are considerate about that and readily repeat what they said. I don’t remember who told them or when they were told that I would not understand everything all the time, but I assume they were told at some point. My grandparents, and my parents especially, are keenly aware of how I best communicate. They know I best understand them when I am able to talk to them face to face. One thing I had to talk to my parents and sister about is calling me to come to where they are rather than trying to talk to me from a different room. It is difficult for me to understand what anyone is saying when I don’t have visual cues. Now they know and they are pretty good about it. That’s usually a non-issue with other relatives since I don’t live with them.

My grandparents are getting older so their hearing is not as good as it once was. When I am with them, it’s always fine because we understand that we all need a quieter environment and visual cues. At family events when all the cousins and aunts and uncles are there, I usually ask someone else to repeat or catch me up if I miss anything; they don’t seem to mind. I don’t know when, or even if, they were told they needed to be more patient with me. They’ve probably learned from experience and being around me often.

Be Your Own Best Advocate
It is important to advocate for what you need. As hard as it is, you need to be comfortable asking for what you need. Even to this day, there are many times when I must remind family members about something that I need to help me, or educate them on ways to better help me. One example that I can think of that came up recently was using the phrase “Never mind.” It is hurtful when hearing people say “Never mind” to me if I ask them to repeat themselves. It feels as though they don’t care about including me. When a family member said “Never mind” to me after I asked them to repeat what they said, I explained that was really hurtful and I explained why. They felt so bad, and they honestly had no idea it had upset me so much. But, now they do and hopefully they won’t say it again!

My parents raised me to be part of their world and I am glad they chose that route. I am a complete part of my family even though I’m the only deaf member of the family. I’m able to communicate fully with every member of my family. I am thankful that my parents decided to work their best to integrate me into their world so I could be fully part of it and fully part of their families. Without my cochlear implants and ability to hear, I would not be as integrated into my family as I am.